Where compassionate care meets evidence-based psychological science

For many people, the holiday season, whether Christmas, Hanukkah, or other winter celebrations, is portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and togetherness. Images of happy families, meaningful traditions, and celebration are everywhere. Yet for a significant number of adults, this time of year brings something very different: sadness, stress, loneliness, or a sense of emotional heaviness often referred to as the holiday blues. If you find yourself feeling low around the holidays, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. 

Why the Holidays Can Be Emotionally Difficult 

The holiday season tends to amplify what’s already present in our lives. For some, that means connection and gratitude. For others, it highlights loss, unmet expectations, or ongoing stress. Common contributors to holiday blues include: 

• Grief and loss — remembering loved ones who are no longer here
• Family dynamics — unresolved conflict, strained relationships, or difficult gatherings
• Loneliness — especially for those living alone or far from family
• High expectations — pressure to feel happy, grateful, or “festive”
• Burnout and fatigue — the year’s accumulated stress catching up
• Financial strain — increased spending and financial pressure
• Gift Giving — pressure to find gifts that do not disaapoint
• Disruption of routines — changes in sleep, diet, and structure

When these factors collide with cultural messages that we should feel joyful during Christmas, Hanukkah, or other holidays, people often experience shame or self-criticism for feeling otherwise. 

Gentle Ways to Care for Yourself During the Holidays 

There’s no single “right” way to feel during Christmas, Hanukkah, or any holiday. Giving yourself permission to experience the season in a way that fits you is often the most important step. Some helpful strategies include: 

-Lower the bar.

You don’t need to meet anyone else’s version of the perfect holiday. It’s okay to simplify plans, say no, or do things differently. 

-Maintain small routines.

Consistent sleep, movement, and meals can provide stability when everything else feels chaotic. 

-Set boundaries.

Limiting time with difficult people, stepping away from triggering conversations, or leaving events early is not selfish—it’s healthy.

 -Acknowledge grief and mixed emotions.

Joy and sadness can coexist. Allowing space for both can be surprisingly relieving. 

-Stay connected in ways that feel manageable.

A brief check-in with a trusted friend or a short walk with someone you trust can be enough. 

-Practice self-compassion.

If you’re struggling, remind yourself that many others are too—even if it doesn’t look that way. 

A Final Thought 

If Christmas or Hanukkah feels hard this year, you’re not failing the season. You’re responding as a human being with a complex inner life. The holidays don’t require constant happiness. If you’d like support navigating the holiday season or the challenges that surface during it, reaching out can be a meaningful first step.

Today (November 1st) marks an important tradition in Mexican culture: Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). This day is a profound celebration of life and mortality. Far from being macabre or associated with dark rituals, it serves as a poignant reminder that life is finite. Through toasts and remembrances, people honor their deceased loved ones while reflecting on their own eventual mortality. This ritual encourages a deeper appreciation for life, urging us to focus on what matters most—our connections with family, friends, and loved ones. 

Dr. Siddhartha Mukherjee, oncologist and professor, has observed the priorities of those nearing the end of their lives. He explains that as people face mortality, their focus often shifts from pursuits like status, wealth, or material possessions to their most significant relationships. On their deathbeds, individuals commonly express variations of four heartfelt themes:

1. I want to tell you that I love you.
2. I want to tell you that I forgive you.
3. Will you tell me that you love me?
4. Will you give me your forgiveness?

Regret often accompanies those who wait too long to express these sentiments. Many wish they had been more open, vulnerable, or proactive in mending relationships, expressing appreciation, and nurturing connections. Why wait until the end to foster deeper relationships? Life offers countless opportunities to strengthen these bonds now. Take the time to appreciate those around you. Apologize to those you’ve hurt. Take risks in vulnerability and let go of grudges. Move toward connection, not isolation before it’s too late. Don’t let regret shape your story. 

If you’re looking to improve your relationships, counseling can provide valuable guidance. Whether it’s with your partner, family, friends, or colleagues, therapy can help you heal, grow, and create meaningful connections. Reach out today and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, regret-free life.

Written by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com

Relationship problems can be rooted in your attempt to control your partner's behavior.  Experts agree that attempting to mold your partner into the ideal you have for them rarely works in the long run. Resentment will build. Anxiety and depression will ensue, and sometimes even violence will be perpetrated. This does not mean that two people should not compromise and work toward each other. I've always said that relationships require both effort and effortless ease. However, when there is too much control exerted by one partner over the other it can cause problems and interfere with a genuine, healthy relationship.  

Eminent psychotherapist Fritz Perls acknowledged this ethos in what is known as the Gestalt Prayer:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.

Of course, one has to be cautious about summarily dismissing your partner's perspective and doing your own thing. That is not the point of the Gestalt Prayer.  Even if you find your so-called soulmate your relationship will take work, compromise, and the capacity to understand your partner's perspective.  The point is to let go and trust that by working on fulfilling your own needs, and setting your own boundaries for your partner's expectations of you, you will bring about a healthier, more genuine relationship with your partner. If your partner cannot accept that change or becomes anxious about it then it might be time to consider psychotherapy to best learn how to navigate the path ahead.

Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com

Money plays an essential role in meeting our basic needs and providing a sense of security. It allows us to live as comfortably as possible. But how much is enough? On your deathbed, you won’t be wishing for more money—you’ll wish for more time. Time is our most precious and finite resource. Every second that passes is gone forever, and none of us knows how much time we have left.

Consider whether the pursuit of material possessions—a second home, a luxury watch, a prestigious car—or staying in a high-paying job you dislike is worth sacrificing this irreplaceable asset. Will these things truly bring lasting happiness, or are they just temporary fixes on the hedonic treadmill? This cycle of chasing fleeting pleasure often leaves us no happier than before, as the initial excitement fades and we return to our baseline level of contentment.

It’s time to shift your focus. Overcome the fear of not having “enough” for retirement or the constant pull toward acquiring the latest shiny object. Reclaim your time and energy by aligning with what truly matters: your values, your relationships, and a fulfilling life.

If you’re ready to examine your priorities and step off the treadmill of endless striving, psychotherapy can help. Together, we can explore the thoughts and emotions that hold you back from living a more balanced, free, and meaningful life. Reach out today and take the first step toward protecting your most valuable asset—your time.

Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com

 Without realizing it, we often make assumptions about other people or situations that are distorted or inaccurate. These assumptions can lead to generalizations about others or life in general, creating a cycle of misunderstanding and emotional distress.

 Let’s explore an example .Imagine you have a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. You call to check in, but they don’t answer. You leave a message expressing your desire to catch up. Days go by, and your friend still hasn’t returned your call or sent a text. You start to feel rejected and a little insulted because you pride yourself on promptly returning messages. Thoughts race through your mind: Maybe this friendship isn’t worth the effort. Shouldn’t good friends be more responsive? As the days pass, your thoughts spiral. You start to generalize, thinking, People are so selfish and one-sided. At times, you even turn the blame inward, wondering if you said or did something wrong. These thoughts can deepen into feelings of unworthiness or even a belief that you’re unlovable. Your mood worsens, and you withdraw—staying home instead of attending social events. You convince yourself that your friend is inconsiderate, never pausing to consider other possible explanations for their silence. Then, a week later, your friend finally calls back. They explain they had been away and then caught a bad cold. They admit they had meant to call but felt overwhelmed. They apologize sincerely, and suddenly, the situation becomes clear. 

While their explanation makes you feel better, you’ve already spent a week ruminating—dwelling on feelings of rejection and disappointment, and even isolating yourself socially. This pattern of high expectations, misinterpreted intentions, and subsequent withdrawal can contribute to low-level depression. The cycle can be self-reinforcing: unrealistic expectations lead to distorted thinking, which leads to isolation, further deepening feelings of sadness or loneliness.

Fortunately, counseling and psychotherapy can help you break this cycle. Therapy offers tools to challenge distorted thinking, manage expectations, and strengthen relationships. If you find yourself struggling with feelings of rejection, unworthiness, or loneliness—or if you feel your friendships lack the quality you desire—reach out today. You don’t have to navigate these feelings alone; we are here to help.

Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com

Burnout is a tremendous problem in American society. The capitalist ethos of exchanging your time and life energy for the almighty dollar has been ingrained into our collective psyche for more than a century. During the roaring 1920s President Calvin Coolidge once stated, "the business of America is business."  We work hard in exchange for a paycheck.  We convince ourselves we need a luxury car, a beach home, and an expensive vacation.  We compare ourselves to others and feel it is a badge of honor if we can be first into the office and the last to leave.  Working hard and paying ones dues in a job is an important part of life. Money is certainly important. Enjoying the finer things in life is important, and that often requires money.  However, how much is enough? How much of your life energy are you willing to trade for a job that would drop you the minute your productivity declines? How much of your precious personal and family time are your willing to sacrifice?

Unfortunately, there is a dark side to overworking.  Its side effects can take a toll on our mental and physical health and can make us feel less compassionate for others, fatigued, anxious, irritable, apathetic, and difficult to be around. It can also severely impact our ability to sleep taking us down the rabbit hole of using sleep aids, alcohol or other substances to help us get to sleep.  

If you feel physically and emotionally exhausted from a lack of work-life balance then please reach out.  There is hope for a more fulfilled life that will bring you greater happiness. 

Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com

If you’re a thoughtful and analytical person, you’re likely a strong problem-solver in your professional life. However, the term “analysis paralysis”—commonly used in the business world—also resonates deeply in the realm of mental health. At its core, analysis paralysis stems from rumination, the repetitive process of overthinking past or present situations. This habit often pulls us out of the present moment and leads to a downward spiral of anxiety and inaction.

When we ruminate, we may feel as though we’re solving problems, but in reality, we’re simply spinning our wheels—stuck in place, exerting mental energy without making progress. It’s like treading water, barely staying afloat, yet expending immense effort. Most critically, rumination robs us of joy and hope. It traps us in a cycle of anxiety that diminishes our ability to savor life’s precious moments with family, friends, and loved ones. Left unchecked, it can even strain relationships, pushing others away. As I often tell clients, “rumination is the killer of peace.” 

While thoughtful reflection and planning are valuable, excessive rumination, obsession, and overthinking are not. The good news? Breaking the cycle of rumination is entirely possible. Together, we can identify the triggers that fuel this habit and develop practical strategies to help you overcome it—one step at a time.

Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com