Without realizing it, we often make assumptions about other people or situations that are distorted or inaccurate. These assumptions can lead to generalizations about others or life in general, creating a cycle of misunderstanding and emotional distress.
Let’s explore an example .Imagine you have a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. You call to check in, but they don’t answer. You leave a message expressing your desire to catch up. Days go by, and your friend still hasn’t returned your call or sent a text. You start to feel rejected and a little insulted because you pride yourself on promptly returning messages. Thoughts race through your mind: Maybe this friendship isn’t worth the effort. Shouldn’t good friends be more responsive? As the days pass, your thoughts spiral. You start to generalize, thinking, People are so selfish and one-sided. At times, you even turn the blame inward, wondering if you said or did something wrong. These thoughts can deepen into feelings of unworthiness or even a belief that you’re unlovable. Your mood worsens, and you withdraw—staying home instead of attending social events. You convince yourself that your friend is inconsiderate, never pausing to consider other possible explanations for their silence. Then, a week later, your friend finally calls back. They explain they had been away and then caught a bad cold. They admit they had meant to call but felt overwhelmed. They apologize sincerely, and suddenly, the situation becomes clear.
While their explanation makes you feel better, you’ve already spent a week ruminating—dwelling on feelings of rejection and disappointment, and even isolating yourself socially. This pattern of high expectations, misinterpreted intentions, and subsequent withdrawal can contribute to low-level depression. The cycle can be self-reinforcing: unrealistic expectations lead to distorted thinking, which leads to isolation, further deepening feelings of sadness or loneliness.
Fortunately, counseling and psychotherapy can help you break this cycle. Therapy offers tools to challenge distorted thinking, manage expectations, and strengthen relationships. If you find yourself struggling with feelings of rejection, unworthiness, or loneliness—or if you feel your friendships lack the quality you desire—reach out today. You don’t have to navigate these feelings alone; we are here to help.
Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.