Blog #Relationship issues

Today marks an important tradition in Mexican culture: Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). This day is a profound celebration of life and mortality. Far from being macabre or associated with dark rituals, it serves as a poignant reminder that life is finite. Through toasts and remembrances, people honor their deceased loved ones while reflecting on their own eventual mortality. This ritual encourages a deeper appreciation for life, urging us to focus on what matters most—our connections with family, friends, and loved ones. 

Dr. Siddhartha Mukherjee, oncologist and professor, has observed the priorities of those nearing the end of their lives. He explains that as people face mortality, their focus often shifts from pursuits like status, wealth, or material possessions to their most significant relationships. On their deathbeds, individuals commonly express variations of four heartfelt themes:

1. I want to tell you that I love you.
2. I want to tell you that I forgive you.
3. Will you tell me that you love me?
4. Will you give me your forgiveness?

Regret often accompanies those who wait too long to express these sentiments. Many wish they had been more open, vulnerable, or proactive in mending relationships, expressing appreciation, and nurturing connections. Why wait until the end to foster deeper relationships? Life offers countless opportunities to strengthen these bonds now. Take the time to appreciate those around you. Apologize to those you’ve hurt. Take risks in vulnerability and let go of grudges. Move toward connection, not isolation—before it’s too late. Don’t let regret shape your story. 

If you’re looking to improve your relationships, counseling can provide valuable guidance. Whether it’s with your partner, family, friends, or colleagues, therapy can help you heal, grow, and create meaningful connections. Reach out today and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, regret-free life.

Written by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com

Relationship problems can be rooted in your attempt to control your partner's behavior.  Experts agree that attempting to mold your partner into the ideal you have for them rarely works in the long run. Resentment will build. Anxiety and depression will ensue, and sometimes even violence will be perpetrated. This does not mean that two people should not compromise and work toward each other. I've always said that relationships require both effort and effortless ease. However, when there is too much control exerted by one partner over the other it can cause problems and interfere with a genuine, healthy relationship.  

Eminent psychotherapist Fritz Perls acknowledged this ethos in what is known as the Gestalt Prayer:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.

Of course, one has to be cautious about summarily dismissing your partner's perspective and doing your own thing. That is not the point of the Gestalt Prayer.  Even if you find your so-called soulmate your relationship will take work, compromise, and the capacity to understand your partner's perspective.  The point is to let go and trust that by working on fulfilling your own needs, and setting your own boundaries for your partner's expectations of you, you will bring about a healthier, more genuine relationship with your partner. If your partner cannot accept that change or becomes anxious about it then it might be time to consider psychotherapy to best learn how to navigate the path ahead.

Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com