A recognition that you will one day die should motivate you to prioritize your relationships with friends and loved ones
Today is an important date in Mexican culture. It is known as Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). The Day of the Dead is used ritualistically to contemplate and acknowledge one’s mortality. On this day people make toasts to their dead relatives and acknowledge that they, like their relatives, will one day face their own mortality. This ritual is not intended to be macabre. It has nothing to do with Satanic rituals. Rather, it is used as a reminder that life is finite and therefore one must fully embrace life by focusing on what some consider to be most important--relationships with friends, family, and loved ones should be prioritized.
Siddhartha Mukherjee, an oncologist and associate professor of medicine, describes the focus of those who are directly facing their mortality and imminently about to die. He said that most people at this end phase of life direct their gaze away from status, fame, fortune and luxury items; and toward their personal relationships. Muhkerjee indicated that those who are on their deathbeds attempt to make four bids to those around them:
• I want to tell you that I love you.
• I want to tell you that I forgive you.
• Would you tell me that you love me?
• Would you give me your forgiveness?
People who are dying frequently express a variation of one of those four themes. Sometimes they feel regret: they feel as if they waited until it was too late to express their appreciation for others, to remedy the hurt they caused, or to risk being vulnerable and amplifying their connection out of fear of being hurt.
Why wait until you are on death's door to foster a greater connection with others? Instead, you should increase your appreciation of those around you. Apologize to loved ones, friends, and family you have hurt. Risk being vulnerable. Don’t let your pride get in your own way where you hold a grudge and perpetuate a cut off from others. Move toward your loved ones, not away from them. Do this before it is too late. Don't live with regrets.
Reach out today if you want to improve your relationships with those who are closest to you. Counseling can help you with relationship issues with your partner, your friends, your family, and your co-workers.
Written by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.